Arizona, Here Are All the Ways We’re Judging You on Your Coffee Order
Are you a Pumpkin Spice Girlie? An over-the-top iced coffee diva who dictates her coffee order down to the exact number of ice cubes? Or are you just a “throw it in a cup, leave it black like my soul” kinda person?
No matter how you take your morning cup of joe, others in Arizona are judging you on your coffee order. Is it fair? You decide.
Fall Has Arrived, and So Have the Coffee Opinions
The temperatures are finally starting to approximate fall in Arizona. The triple-digit afternoon temps are slowly giving way to Arizona’s version of sweater-ish weather (it’s only, like, 80 degrees!! Woot!), flip-flops are giving way to shoes with actual toes, and coffee runs no longer require a bucket of ice just to keep you from melting like an overheated saguaro.
That means one thing: everyone suddenly has strong feelings about what belongs in a coffee cup. And apparently, we're judging each other.
According to a recent survey by Talker Research, one in three American coffee drinkers admit they judge other people based on their coffee order. Even better, nearly one in four say they have a secret coffee order they're embarrassed to admit because they're worried others will judge them.
We may think we’re more sophisticated than basic pumpkin spice season in Arizona, but are we really?
READ: Worst Coffee Chain in America has 327 Locations in Arizona!
What Your Coffee Order "Says" About You
Don’t get your double-shot latte in snit; this is all in good fun. Here’s what your coffee order says about you, according to some "facts" I just made up:
- Black Coffee: You want everyone to know you're tough, rugged, and capable. You’re probably the oldest child in your family, including all your cousins, and you're a fire sign. Whether you actually are any of these things is a separate question. Only 14% of coffee drinkers prefer their java black.
- Pumpkin Spice Latte: You heard one leaf crunch and immediately bought decorative gourds. You were an Ugg Boots early adopter. You have a vinyl peel-and-stick somewhere on your wall that reads “Live, Laugh, Love.” Surprisingly, 67% of respondents consider PSL a legitimate coffee drink.
- Medium Roast: You're Switzerland. Safe. Reliable. Uncontroversial. You’re definitely an earth sign, and you always bake a batch of cookies when someone new moves into your neighborhood, just to make them feel welcome. It's also America's favorite roast, preferred by 58% of coffee drinkers.
- Dark Roast: You tell people you've got "refined tastes." You own at least one French press. You frown on anyone who wears their PJs to Walmart, drinks PSLs in August, and you always round up for charity at the register. You’re an only child; you know your entire astrological chart and know you're not defined by your Sun sign.
- Nitro Cold Brew: You like your coffee and your hobbies to sound slightly futuristic and super-charged. You’re worried you’ll have heart issues before you’re 30, but it’s worth it for the grind—in coffee and in life. You’ve got Boss energy, and you don’t care who knows it. You’re not just an Aries; you’ve got fire in your entire chart.
- Frappuccino: You've never met whipped cream you didn't like. Also, 78% of respondents count it as coffee, so you're in good company. Also, your name is probably Becky, Madisen, or Kayleigh, and you’re 100% a water sign.
- Espresso Tonic: You enjoy explaining your drink to confused baristas and unsuspecting friends, usually with a deep, dramatic sigh. You know your entire astrological chart and talk to people about your “Saturn Return” like everyone knows that you’re discussing. You're an air sign and a Ravenclaw. It’s science, and no, I will not elaborate.
READ ALSO: Arizona's Fall Colors Arrive Later And Last Longer Than Most States
The Fun of Arizona Java
Whether you're a coffee aficionado, a purist, a fanatic, or you like a little coffee with your sugar, you’re in good company. About a third of Americans, according to TalkerResearch.com also share your passion.
As Arizona slides slowly into cooler fall weather, we're all standing in the same coffee line together. Even if we're secretly side-eyeing the person ordering extra whip on their custom coffee order!
Worst Coffee Chain in Arizona Has 327 Locations
Gallery Credit: Val Davidson
